A lack of communication in relationship might start as a small issue at first but if it remains unresolved, could grow into something much bigger to handle and cripple your relationship. It’s important to know how to communicate in your relationship or you might be out for a big shock.
Communication in relationships is very important. Many couples would tell you that the key to their lasting relationship is effective communication. Being able to communicate with your partner helps build intimacy and creates a conducive atmosphere for resolving conflicts or issues.
Communication helps you to understand each other more significantly and sustain a healthy emotional balance. It brings you closer, makes your bond stronger and strengthens your connection to one another.
Healthy communication could be an illusion in your relationship right now but it can become a reality.
Before you take steps to fix or improve the lack of communication in your relationship, it’s very necessary you identify areas that you need to work on. For instance, you can check for the following: The way of expression of emotions, do you or your partner express hidden anger instead of addressing conflict head-on?
Do you indirectly punish each other when offended by giving silent treatment? Do you make mountain out of a molehill? do you become openly defensive or hostile like raising your voice, blaming or criticizing, dominating or controlling in conversations while talking to your partner?. Looking into these attitudes gives a step further to fixing that communication issue in your relationship.
Here are a few tips to fix lack of communication in relationships.
1. Make communication a priority and inculcate it into your relationship.
This is possible by first taking baby steps like talking, checking on your partner from time to time or by asking how their day want. Leave your partner nice messages throughout the day either through text or their social media platforms.
This is small but it could go a long way to help improve your relationship. It could also help you to become much better in communicating, being open, and letting in your partner into your emotions no matter how far the relationship has deteriorated.
2. Make out time to talk
Think beyond your convenient schedules and create time. Make sure that both of you are in the right mood, and mindset to talk. Talk things over with your partner, be open and transparent, make sure that neither of you is angry or upset when you talk.
Don’t be overly emotional because you are more likely to say things you don’t mean in heated moments and that could result in making things turn out worse, so be careful when your emotions are rising.
3. Pay Attention
Pay attention to the little details your partner is trying to communicate to you. Focus on the message and try to understand what is being passed across. Don’t try to compete in words with your partner, allow expression of thoughts with words and gestures, it could be tough but try and put aside your pride and listen.
Pay attention not only to the words but also facial, expressions, tones of the voice, body language, they may not say much but the non-verbal habits say a lot. On the other hand, watch your body language and other non-verbal signs because your partner is watching you too and this might end up cutting short the purpose of sorting out the differences. It could all be misinterpreted by your partner concerning the matter.
4. Set your boundaries
When you set boundaries, you are able to learn how to respect the difference between you and your partner. It could also help both of you to be more comfortable in talking to one another about everything, having an understanding about each other’s perspective better.
These go a long way to reduce conflicts and possible frictions. On the other way around avoid taking it to the extreme in setting up boundaries in your relationship it could be a stage for a toxic relationship and the later end could be worse. When setting these boundaries, think of it as a guide to navigate your communication in your relationship and not to limit your partner in any way.
5. Lavish your affection on each other
Make your partner feel loved, appreciated and secured with you. Express your affection and with time they will grow to be more comfortable with you and in turn be able to open up to you at every point in time on a much deeper and sentimental level.
With time spiral up deep affections and create more opportunities to be open to each other in your relationship. Regardless of the situations or circumstances, always show affection both in words and in deeds.
6. Don’t open old wounds.
It is very easy to recount wrongs and past mistakes during heated moments. We could even blow things out of proportion. Regularly digging up past mistakes of your partner can make them more defensive and result in going round in circles because it disrupts emotional connection and the whole relationship is suffocated.
When conversations get hard? Do not flare-up, try slowing things down so you can respond more deliberate and be control of your emotions not to recount past mistakes. Avoiding difficult conversations has a way of driving distance between people most especially in relationships.
When there is disengagement, issues will keep their heat and turn the solid foundation of your relationship into mud. If you feel like getting volatile in the cause of the conversation, try quenching the fire within you. Take a deep breath and be calm, focus on your partner and why it’s important for you to stay.
7. Always be on the “forgive “mode
All relationships no matter how healthy and strong it appears will always come into conflict at one point or the other. They will always be a misunderstanding to come to an understanding.
When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, you could be tempted to exert your hurt on your partner because you want the person to feel how hurt you presently are.
We all get it wrong sometimes and do all sorts of stupid things to hurt people we love but when you’re the one being hurt acknowledge it, discuss it a bit let all go at the end, forgive.
To be able to fix communication in a relationship you must show empathy for each other. If you want to fix your relationship, you have to lead by example. You take the first steps. Train yourself to listen with purpose, don’t be defensive or feel like you have to reply right away. Remember, you get what you put into it, therefore focus on rebuilding the relationship from the platform of friendship as teammates and not as opponents.
After we fix communication in a relationship we can build emotional intimacy in our relationship.
What is Intimacy?
Sex and romance may come to mind first, but intimacy plays a role in other types of relationships too!
Intimacy in a relationship is a feeling of being close and emotionally connected and supported to one another. This means being able to share a variety of thoughts, feelings and experiences together. To be open to one another, talking and letting out your emotions. letting your guard down (being vulnerable), and showing the other how you feel and share your dreams and aspirations.
Intimacy is built up with time, and it requires patience and effort from both partners to create and maintain. Building intimacy with someone you love is the best thing you can do to your relationship.
There are different types of intimacy, are Emotional:
Emotional intimacy is what allows you to tell your loved one’s personal things that you might not necessarily share with strangers.
Think of it as letting your guard down. As you learn that you can trust someone, you feel safe enough to let your walls down.
Another is Intellectual intimacy: Intellectual intimacy involves getting to know how another person’s mind works and sharing the map to your mind too. It builds as you exchange ideas and have meaningful conversations.
We also have Physical intimacy which is about touch and closeness between bodies.
In a romantic relationship, it might include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sex.
Generally speaking, spirituality is about belief in something beyond the physical realm of existence.
That belief can be in a higher power, in human souls, or in a greater purpose, for example.
We have lots of others types of intimacy as well.
Building Intimacy in relationships
Intimacy is achieved when we become close to someone else and are reassured that we are loved and accepted for who we are
We build intimacy with time
Building and maintaining intimacy in a relationship takes time, and it takes some people longer than others. Often, the harder you work at developing intimacy in your relationship, the more rewarding it is.
Ways to build emotional intimacy
Celebrate the good things in your relationship. Tell your partner, in words and actions, how much you love and appreciate them. Let your partner know what you value about them and about the relationship. Put it into words and don’t assume they already know. Everybody likes to be told that they are appreciated and loved.
Talk openly about your feelings and what you need from the relationship.
Create opportunities for intimacy. Take out time to be with one another to focus on each other and on your relationship. Spend quality time together without distractions or interruptions.
Accept that your relationship will have highs and lows. Continue to explore new ways of finding a deeper level of intimacy. These moments don’t need to be grand gestures of love. Taking time, even small moments together is just as important as going on a date together.
Be positive and grateful about what you have in your relationship.
Give your partner a hug. Hugging releases a chemical in your body called oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), which is responsible for increasing happiness
Surprise your partner with a cute text in the morning to start their day with a smile
Take turns giving one another a nice shoulder or back massage (foot rub if you want brownie points). Massages are extremely passionate and will leave your partner craving more closeness.
Reminisce back to a special moment in your relationship. Reminiscing is a great way to connect with your partner and keep special moments and memories alive in your relationship.
Help your partner out with a chore that you usually try to avoid. A selfless act of service for your partner shows them that you’re there for them and want to help alleviate some of their workloads.
Catch them off guard with a kiss. Whether they’re in the middle of cooking or they just woke up, lean over and surprise your partner with a smooch.
Send an unexpected sweet or flirty text to your partner mid-day letting them know that they’re on your mind.
Check on your partner regularly and see how they’re doing. This shows your partner that you care and you want to be clued into their inner world and how they’re feeling.
Have prolonged eye contact because prolonged eye contact with someone you love deepens attraction which definitely aids in intimacy building
Not only is spending time together essential for restoring intimacy, the way you spend time together is also important. For one partner, spending time in the same room watching the same television program may count as quality time together.
Whether you’re struggling to find time for each other during the busy holiday season or have grown apart in the last few years, now is the time to start heating things up in your relationship! Intimacy instils safety and connection within a relationship, and without it, you’re at risk of feeling unsafe and distant from your partner.
Intimacy is not just the physical and sexual component we most commonly hear about; intimacy is also emotional and involves conversation. Esther Perel says it best, “Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is man’s language of intimacy.” Building intimacy doesn’t have to involve grand gestures.